Friday, June 22, 2012
Dem Chapter 1
I brought the covers over my head. Hoping somehow that I could become invisible. The door handle turned... Sitting straight up in bed, I look around and realize that it was a dream, a nightmare. They would be so happy. All they wanted was for me to remember. All I want to do is forget. As the door of my room opens, I realize that I not only woke up scared, I woke up screaming. James walks in quietly. James, the only person who hasn't pushed me to talk; the only one who lets me be me. He sits on the edge of the bed. This is the closest he ever gets. James understands me. "Nightmare?" he asks. I just nod my head. James knows not to expect any more than that. "Want to read or watch TV for a while?" He asks this because he knows that sometimes escape from my own mind is necessary. I shake my head as I look at the clock in my room. What I need is to talk to Charlie, the one who can reassure me after my nightmare. James looks where I look, this is how he gets inside my head since I have no words. "It's 2:00 am." That's all he says. He wants to know how important the call is. I nod my head again. James picks up the phone. It seems to take forever for her to answer. "Hey. It's me. I know it's late, but is it possible for Dem to talk to Charlie?" I watch as James talks for me. He explains that I had a nightmare. Luckily, Charlie lives with James' best friend Sky and Sky is very understanding. James smiles and hands me the phone. Charlie knows she won't hear my voice tonight. That is not what's important. "Dem?" she sounds tired and I feel guilty for waking everyone up. If only I could stop the nightmares. I tap the phone so she knows I am listening. This is our code. Codes are how I communicate. "I'm sorry you had a nightmare. Maybe we can see each other tomorrow. And spend a day together. That would help wouldn't it?" I tap again. "Dem, I'm alright. Today Sky took me to the bookstore after school. I got to buy 3 new books! I bought 2 for me and one for you. I'll bring it tomorrow ok?" Another tap. My eyes start to fill with tears. I love her so much. She is my heart. James sees my tears and decides to end the conversation. I agree so I don't resist when he takes the phone back. "Hey Charlie. Tell Sky I'll call tomorrow to work out the details." He smiles. "I know. Love you too." James looks at me as he puts the phone in his pocket. I see tenderness, love, and understanding. That is why I let him closer than anyone else. The understanding. That is what I need most. "Think you can sleep now?" I nod my head slowly. I hope so. I hope no more nightmares interrupt my night or his. "Night." With that he leaves. James never says good night or sweet dreams. He knows that my nights are not good and my dreams never sweet. He understands. I close my eyes and push the bad thoughts away. I recite the facts that I know will calm me and I hope they will ward off any more dreams for tonight. Charlie is fine. Charlie is with Sky. I am with James. No one can hurt me here. I will see Charlie tomorrow. I will see Charlie tomorrow. I will see Charlie tomorrow.